Six Months

In the minutes after Will was born, I held him against my chest and talked softly to him. Explaining who I was, where we were and what our big plans were. He was the only thing that existed, the only thing that mattered.

I have a vague recollection of looking to my left and seeing John on the phone - probably calling our families and friends: ten fingers, ten toes - and looking down and seeing the doctor stitch me up.

Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.

I thought that was what motherhood was. This constant state of blissed out, oxytocin induced crazy love.

Yeah, so I was a goddamn idiot.

The epidural wears off but the love?

It stays and it molds you into a parent.

Motherhood is being spit up on so many times, you don’t even realize when it happens anymore:

“You have a little….”
“Sure do!”

Motherhood is realizing that you have time to put on mascara or eyeliner but not both before those little noises turn into a plaintive wail. Yes, I could opt not to wear either but there’s a global pandemic on, I’m navigating the torrid waters of post-partum hormones and my joints hurt literally all the time. Just be cool and let me have this.

Motherhood is turning your body into an amusement park - my arms are bungee cords, my stomach is a trampoline, my chest and shoulders are a jungle gym and my hair is a rope swing.

Motherhood is shambling to the kitchen at 1:00am to make a bottle while having an RA flare up. It’s being nervous about spilling hot water on yourself and being unable to pick up your hungry child. That part really sucks and I am counting down the days until I can get on Embrel or Humira or, I don’t know - the blood of a unicorn to keep myself functional again.

Like love, motherhood is a verb.

Alright, look. I know it’s a noun but give me a little poetic license here. Also, I realize that I’m quoting John Mayer which is kinda dubious but dude has a Stevie Ray Vaughan tattoo so obviously, he knows his shit.

Dear Will:

Buddy! Can you believe we’ve been hanging out for six months already?

I remember bringing you home from the hospital and holding you in my lap - two of us in bed, quiet as houses.

I cannot believe how much you’re growing and changing.

For example, you don’t cry when you first wake up in the mornings.

You yell to get our attention.

This morning, Daddy and I were in the kitchen talking when all of a sudden, we heard a loud yowl. Both of us had the same thought - “Oh shit. Bebo is outside and he’s fighting with an angry raccoon.”

Nope!

It wasn’t the cat. It was you alerting us to the fact that you were awake and ready to start your day.

In addition to making feline thunderdome noises, you babble, coo and shriek with wild joy. These are my favorite sounds in all the universe. I have never loved any sound more....and that includes Prince’s ridiculous guitar solo at the George Harrison tribute.

Yeah. I love your voice more than that.

That is a bold statement, my friend.

Lots of big things happened this month.

Mommy celebrated her first birthday being a mom which meant waking up to kisses, cuds and snugs from you and Daddy which was the actual best.

You finally met your Titi Dana and cousin Margot! Mommy has known Titi Dana for decades now and she is one of the most important people in her life and I know she will be one of the most important people in your life too. I cannot wait until you’re a little bigger and we can take you and Margot to Harry Potter World so we can all nerd out together.

We all went to the beach together and had a blast. You’re still a wee bit too tiny to go into the ocean but you loved the feeling of toes in the warm sand.

You’ve started eating more people food - you don’t hate strawberry-banana smoothies (something I craved when I was pregnant with you. All I wanted was strawberry-banana-peanut-butter smoothies and tater tots with cheese, fresh jalapenos and grilled onions), you’ve been gumming on raw carrots and you straight up attacked Nanima’s basil plant and devoured the leaves like Godzilla attacking Tokyo.

It was pretty awesome.

You’ve discovered more of your toys. While you love rasslin’ with Albie, your new favorite activity is knocking down your stacking cups. You love watching us build them as tall as you are and get so excited to reach out and grab them.

Speaking of favorites - Daddy is your favorite which makes a lot of sense because he’s my favorite too. You love driving together, playing with your bath toys together and when he “flies” with you across the living room.

Nothing makes me happier than seeing my boys together.

Love is a verb. Love is what you do and William John, I would do anything for you.

Here’s to the first six, the next six and Mama and Daddy always having your six.

I love you, baby duckling.

Mama xx