LOVE in Philly: Traveling with a toddler

My relationship with Philadelphia is a complicated one.

I used to live just outside of Philly for about five years with my ex whose family were all Philadelphia born and raised. When that relationship imploded and I left, I didn’t think I would ever return.

A little over a decade later, I found myself freezing my ass off while hustling my son down Walnut Street promising to get him a soft pretzel as soon as humanly possible

Since John has extended family in the area and had never been to the City of Brotherly Love, we took a quick family trip during spring break to check it out, meet with family, hang out with some of my friends and do what we do best - eat and drink really damn well.

Will has been my adventure buddy since he was six months old and through trial, tears and error, we’ve discovered what works for us while traveling and what definitely doesn’t.

Travel Tips

Frontier Doesn’t Have Wifi or Charging Ports. On its nose, a $70 roundtrip airfare sounds awesome and it is…if you’re traveling solo with a carry-on on your shoulder and a song in your heart.

If you’re a parent, you should know that Frontier doesn’t have wifi on the plane or charging ports at the seats. Which is fine if your kid doesn’t have a tablet but mine does and he digs watching clips from Jurassic Park while flying. He’s absorbed and quiet, I get a chance to read in peace and everyone is happy.

Frontier will also nickel and dime you for snacks, drinks and bags and by the time you’re all in, you might as well have booked a flight on Delta or American for the same cost with amenities.

Was it the world’s worst experience? No but traveling is stressful enough. Why add roadblocks?

A Travel Stroller Will Save Your Life. We log miles when we travel because walking is pretty much the best way to explore a city. For all the energy Will has, he can’t walk five miles a day.

We have the GB Pockit Air All Terrain and it is a lifesaver.

It folds up compact, is free to check in on the plane, only weighs about 10lbs and handles like a dream on city sidewalks and grassy/bumpy terrain.

Since Will was born, we’ve owned one and jackassed it to St. Thomas, Clearwater, Sunfest, a boat in Paris, the metro in Madrid, Asheville, New Braunfels, Philly as well as all over Palm Beach County, Georgia, Sanford, Nevada and Los Angeles and it is still going strong.

I’m not getting a kickback from this. It’s just a solid product that I recommend every family who travels with a toddler gets.

A Travel Car Seat Will Also Save Your Life. Ours is a Cosco Scenera Next Convertible Car Seat and it’s perfect for travel. Lightweight (I’ve strapped it to my back and Sherpa’d it around an airport while pushing bags) and easy to install in pretty much any car.

Do Laundry During Your Trip. I know that doing chores on vacation sounds like a special circle of hell but having clean clothes - especially layers in a cold climate - and not having to do a mountain of laundry when you come home? It’s a clutch move.

We stayed at an AirBnB in the Gray’s Ferry neighborhood and rented a Chevy Traverse. Philly is a pretty walkable city but since we wanted to cover a lot of ground and there were eight of us, we needed a car. If you stay in Old City, Rittenhouse Square or Center City, you can probably avoid it all together and rely on SEPTA’s public transportation system.

Our place was a four-storey row home with a rooftop deck with a view of the city.

Please excuse my squinchy face. It’s always sunny in Philadelphia and the sun was basically directly in my retinas.

Unfortunately, temperatures plummeted during our stay but for about 45 minutes - it was a lovely spot to sit in the sunshine and have a glass of wine.

Philadelphia is a super kid-friendly city - more so during the warmer months as they have so many green spaces for kids to explore and play. Though we were on Spring Break, we arrived at the very end of winter and unfortunately, a lot of cool stuff like the Bok Bar Rooftop and dining outside on the Moshulu as well as the pop-up beer gardens weren’t open.

If you’re planning a trip with kids - go during summer or better yet, fall when the weather is crisp and there are like, a million awesome fall-themed activities like hayrides, pumpkin patches and places selling truly excellent cider and those little spice cookies.

With a sizable Irish-American population, Philly goes all out for St. Patrick’s Day but two important things to note:

• Check dates and times. If you’re looking to do St. Patrick’s Day stuff in Philly and the surrounding areas, you might want to get there a week early. We missed a majority of the events because the city held its St. Patrick’s Day parade on March 11. Which…why?

• A majority of my favorite Irish pubs in the city - Fado’s, Tir Na Nog and The Plough and Stars - don’t admit minors on St. Patrick’s Day….no matter how much you say, “Can you guys just be cool? My kid’s been falling asleep in Irish pubs pretty much his whole life.”

We headed an hour out of town to Doylestown’s Kids Castle Central Park where Will could burn off some energy.

If you have kids, this is a great spot. The play structure is enormous (albeit a little claustrophobic for an adult…even if that adult happens to be barely five feet tall) and Will had a blast running around, exploring and climbing on everything.

Even when some teeny little blonde terrorist knocked him down. As I was comforting him, I told him that I hoped this little girl got her ponytail caught in something which warranted a dirty look or two from the surrounding parents but here’s the deal:

Karma is a cat
Purring in my lap 'cause it loves me
Flexing like a goddamn acrobat
Me and karma vibe like that

Afterwards, we grabbed lunch and a drink at Peddler’s Village in Lahaska, PA - a historic village which was hosting a kid-friendly St. Patrick’s Day event.

They had Irish dancers, a gold coin hunt and some cool shops including a coffee shop/magic/fantasy themed gift shop called The Cloak and Wand that must have been designed by an Imagineer.

That night, the rest of the family came into town and we ended up at Craft Hall - a super kid-friendly spot with an indoor playground, arcade and genuinely good food. Less Chuck E. Cheese and more picnic in the park with your favorite cousins.

Since the temperature dropped, we needed to find indoor activities to keep everyone occupied and we did what any reasonable person would do in that situation - we headed to New Jersey.

Jersey gets shit on a lot but I actually have a whole lotta love for the Garden State.

It’s the ancestral home of Bruce Springsteen which basically makes it a Holy Land, the Gaslight Anthem are from New Brunswick and it’s also the setting for so many things I love - Judy Blume books (I found myself driving through Rahway a few years ago and literally yelled, “Oh my God! This is where Deenie is from!” - y’know, like normal people do), the Kevin Smith universe, Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, Empire Records and The Sopranos. Oh and they have literally the best pizza I’ve ever had in my life at Birravino in Red Bank.

Burrata on pizza forever and ever amen.

Anyway, we headed to Adventure Aquarium just across the river in Camden and it’s definitely one of the country’s better aquariums. In addition to having a shark tunnel, they also have penguins, a suspended rope bridge where you can walk over a shark tank and they have hippos.

Being from Florida, my son was appropriately scared of sharks because I’ve impressed upon him that the ocean is nothing more than a giant bowl of murder soup but he was not scared of the hippos. So much so that he wanted to climb into the tank with them.

Let’s keep with the Jersey theme while I explain what a hippo actually is.

Imagine Ronnie Ortiz-Magro (I hate that I know his full name) from Jersey Shore. Now, imagine him about 500lbs heavier and all roid raged up with a jaw that could pretty much unhinge and crush a watermelon.

Now, do you see why a little amuse-bouche like you should probably stay out of the tank? Yeah. Probably for the best.

In Philly itself, we checked out The Franklin Institute, The Academy of Natural Sciences at Drexel University, Eastern State Penitentiary, the US Mint and the National Constitution Center.

The mint is free but unless your kid is into coin collecting, I’d skip it.

The Franklin Institute, however? Great spot for kids.

Right now, they have a truly excellent exhibit on kinesiology and the science behind sports featuring hometown favorite, the Phillie Phanatic who is basically Gritty if Gritty had a stable home life and access to fluoridated water.

Sidebar: Philadelphia is my favorite sports town. No-one loves anything as much as some random dude in South Philly loves the Eagles, Phillies, 76ers or Flyers. .

Philadelphia is the only city on the planet where a creature as chaotic and mesmerizing as Gritty could be breathed to life.

And do I even have to bring up what happened to that city when the Eagles won the Superbowl?

Sure fuckin’ do because my God, the streets ran yellow wit Whiz, grown men shimmied up Crisco-slathered poles and the city became the Fucktomb we always knew it was.

Fuck Tom B - a statement that I can get down with both as a Dolphins fan and a human woman.

The unofficial slogan of the Eagles is, “No-one likes us. We don’t care,” which is the kind of beautifully cheeky middle finger that can only be found in Philadelphia…and Millwall where they stole it from.

If I wasn’t so committed to having my heart shattered any given Sunday by the Dolphins and wasn’t so completely in love with shit-talking-pot-banging Miami Heat Twitter - in another life, I might be a Philly sports fan.

Where was I? Oh yeah. The Franklin Institute. They also feature a rite of passage for all kids growing up in Southeastern Pennsylvania - charging through a huge model of the human heart and their educators are passionate, engaged and make science fun for adults and kids.

The National Constitution Center was probably my favorite museum due to their expertly curated exhibits on the Civil War, suffrage and the First Amendment. I don’t think Will enjoyed it too much but in about a decade or so, I want to take him back so he can get more out of the experience.

Ditto Eastern State Penitentiary. They’ve got some thought-provoking exhibits (including Al Capone’s finely furnished cell from his stint in the prison) on the American penal system and incarceration rates in the United States but it’s definitely something an older kid with an interest in law and justice would appreciate more than a three year old.

Oh and fun fact. Don’t let your kid touch the walls because they have asbestos and shit on them. We weren’t told this until about five minutes before we left and Will had been grabbing up a storm, so that was fun and not terrifying at all.

Will’s favorite museum was, of course, the one with all the dinosaurs in it - the Academy of Natural Sciences at Drexel University. It’s a small museum and you could probably see it in two hours but for a dino-obsessed kid like Will, it made a huge impact.

Not only did he get to see some very cool fossils but he got to play archeologist and “discover” buried bones.

Swear to God, my kid and my dog might just be the same person.

My favorite part of the museum were the lifesize dioramas. There are 37 dioramas in the museum, most of them created between 1930s and 1950s. The attention to detail and artwork is captivating and before we visited, I read this blog post by Jennifer Sontchi, the Academy’s Senior Director of Exhibits and Public Spaces. It’s really interesting and her job seems like one of the coolest ones ever.

One of my favorite spots in the city is Rittenhouse Square Park and I have really fond memories of hanging out there with my best friend on a sunny summer afternoon. Despite the frigid temperatures, Will spent some quality time there as well, running around and playing with giant sticks….because again, Will and Indiana are basically the same person.

I hope we can go back in the fall when the weather is a little warmer and the leaves are turning.

Food

Philadelphia is so much more than hoagies and cheesesteaks and just doesn’t get enough credit for its food scene. In addition to the best sandwiches in the world, they also have killer Mexican food, Irish pub food, Italian food and the bestbestbest baked goods.

There’s something in the water in Philly that makes the bread taste amazing. At this point, I don’t even care if it’s the dead bodies of Cowboys fans fished out of the Schuykill. The bread is that good.

If you don’t go to Reading Terminal Market, did you even go to Philly? We stopped there twice and Will feasted - fruity pebbles treats and ube (yup, ube - he picked it out) macarons from Flying Monkey Patisserie while I had one of the best bagels I’ve ever eaten in my life at Kismet Bagels.

Nope. Fuck you, New York. Your bagel game is weak in comparison. Also, the Jets suck.

This bagel with cream cheese and Amish-made strawberry jam was life-changing. My plan is to go back when Will is a little older so we can take the bagel-making class together.

Second best bagel I ever had in my life was at Spread Bagelry which specializes in Montreal-style bagels - they’re boiled in honey water and malt and then, wood-fired.

Approximately a billion times better than your average NYC hockey puck. Look, this isn’t an NYC hate blog; I just think the city has better marketing and worse food than a lot of places.

Another thing that Philly does better than anywhere else is the soft pretzel.

I’ve had soft pretzels in Munich that weren’t as good as the soft pretzels in Philly and of course, we ordered them pretty much everywhere we could on this trip.

The two best ones were at Victory Brewing (excellent beer cheese) and Fergie’s Pub (softer, sweeter and the perfect food to share with your kid on a freezing evening).

Victory Brewing Company

Fergie’s Pub

The best part of visiting Philly was Will getting to spend time with his aunts and uncle. It was Will’s first time meeting Uncle Jack and my kid had a great time tormenting him as evidenced by this gif:

In addition to being some of the best people I know, they also know their shit when it comes to great places to visit in the city.

We started with breakfast at Sabrina’s Cafe and Will still talks about the giant mouse pancake he had. Meanwhile, I will forever bang on about the fact that I have friends who will drink French 75s with me at breakfast. These are definitely my forever people.

Margie recommended Sam’s Morning Glory for breakfast and it was nothing short of perfect.

In addition to having truly excellent breakfast food - real maple syrup, housemade hot sauce and ketchup and peach and berry preserves and giant fluffy biscuits -

They also made a strong political statement that I am 100% down with.

That statement being Trump is an asshole and belongs in prison.

We also had a pretty fantastic breakfast in Fishtown at the Green Eggs Cafe seemingly dedicated to my joy and spiritual fulfillment.

Is that a creme brûlée latte with Bailey’s? Yes. Yes, it is.

Is that a caramelized pecan pancake and little lego tower of French Toast with creme Anglaise? Again, yes. Yes, it is.

Considering I’m a girl who considers a cup of coffee breakfast, this was indulgent as hell but I’m really glad we stopped in.

Philly has the second largest Italian-American population in the country and as a result, the red sauce joints in the city are some of the best in the world.

Ralph’s has been around for a century and Will went nuts on their spaghetti with gravy, Ristorante Pesto in South Philly had this spinach and ricotta stuffed eggplant that I dream about and the pizza at Pietro’s on Walnut? I don’t know what kind of mozzarella they use but I have a greater appreciation of why my people believe cows to be sacred.

When traveling with a kid, I cannot recommend kid-friendly breweries more.

We were in Germany a few years ago and noticed that beer halls were family-oriented with kids going to town on brats and soft pretzels while their parents enjoyed a beer and quality time together.

Will is no stranger to breweries and taprooms and the Yards Brewing Company taproom in Northern Liberties is an excellent place to enjoy a drink…especially if your kid is exhausted from running around a museum.

I think any parent will agree that vacationing with a kid is exhausting and sometimes, it is a straight up act of the Notorious G.O.D. when your kid falls asleep and you get a chance to have a cocktail in peace.

When I left Philadelphia over a decade ago, I didn’t think I would ever return and I really didn’t think I would return with my family but life throws you curveballs and you swing as best you can.

So far when it comes to traveling, I think we’ve got Richie Ashburn numbers. A few bumps along the way but for the most part, it’s pretty decent.

I’m looking forward to going back to Philly again with Will and his uncles in tow, but until then - we’re gonna keep hanging out at breweries, making each other laugh and planning our next adventure.