Christmas In Texas
I love Christmas - twinkly lights, mulled wine, Christmas movies like Home Alone, Die Hard and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, the fact that it’s the only time of year when you can get a chestnut praline latte at Starbucks, Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) by Darlene Love, Frank’s speech from Scrooged.
You know what I don’t like?
Stressing the hell out of myself and spending an exorbitant amount of money to bring the magic of the holiday season home and making it look like a set piece from one of those schmaltzy Hallmark movies where a Big City Gal meets a soft-spoken Country Boy looking to save his grandfather’s candy cane farm or some bullshit.
Also, that Christmas Shoes song. Ugh. Just such garbage.
Anyway, I figure, if you’re gonna spend the money - spend it in a way that brings you joy instead of stressing you out to the point where you’re sobbing into your eggnog while covered in glitter and burnt-out Christmas tree bulbs, trying to “make Christmas happen.”
And what brings me joy? Gin cocktails, Bruce Springsteen and travel.
So, that being the case (coupled with Delta vouchers that we had to use by December 31, 2023) - we ended up doing a quick family trip to Texas Hill Country for the start of the holiday season.
Family being myself, John, Will and two of Will’s favorite people on the planet/two of my favorite people to travel with - Uncle Jerry and Uncle Mikey.
Two men who don’t share a drop of DNA with my kid but spoil him rotten with dinosaur and truck toys and teach him Lil’ Jon catchphrases (thanks, guys!).
I’ve only ever been to Texas once before - in 2014 when we went to Austin City Limits.
It was here that I saw both The Gaslight Anthem and The fucking REPLACEMENTS live because my life is amazing.
But this time, it was less three-day music festival and more, “Hey, did you guys know that a bunch of Germans immigrants settled in Texas Hill Country and now, they rock the hell out of Christmas every year? Since we can’t go to Munich, we should go to Texas. Also, margaritas and tacos.”
At this point, flying is old-hat for Will and he was remarkably well-behaved on the plane.
How well behaved?
You guys. I got to drink a glass of wine and watch two whole episodes of Dexter: New Blood. Uninterrupted!
Hallelujah - a Christmas miracle indeed!
Thank Santa for free WiFi, chips and apple juice. Also thanks to Delta for making traveling with a toddler as stress-free as possible.
New Braunfels
We flew into Austin (probably my favorite airport in the country) but instead of staying in city limits, we decided to make New Braunfels our homebase. A super cute city known for a huge water park, New Braunfels is about equidistant from Austin and San Antonio and a really lovely place to visit - especially during the holidays.
We had no idea about it when we arrived but every year, New Braunfels hosts Wassailfest - a huge event where the city lights up downtown, they host live Christmas music and local businesses set up little booths to hand out wassail - which in this case was hot spiced apple cider and literally one of my favorite things on the planet.
Apple spice > pumpkin spice. Fight your basic bestie about it.
We kinda fell into Wassailfest after noticing hundreds of people milling around downtown and it was definitely worth checking out.
Traveling to other parts of the world during this time of year makes me wish West Palm Beach was more rooted in tradition.
We have a really transient community with people constantly moving in and out, so it can feel kinda rootless.
We “light” a giant christmas tree made of sand but it doesn’t feel as organized or cozy. Considering that a quarter of our population identify as Hispanic or Latino, maybe we should host Coquitofest.
West Palm Beach Downtown Development Authority - call me! Your girl has ideas for days.
Another thing we fell into in New Braunfels? Their first ever Renaissance Faire.
We watched people jousting, listened to some amazing musical performances (because hi, proximity to Austin), and Will got to hold a giant rubber sword and meet Santa which was pretty much the highlight of his night.
Highlight of my night? Meeting the fluffiest cow on the planet AND a llama named Utopia.
Breweries & Distilleries
I’ve realized that one of my favorite things to do during family vacations - especially in the cooler months - is just enjoy time outside. Living in Florida is basically like living in the dryer during a damp towels cycle but with mosquitos.
So now, I look for any opportunity where Will can run around wild and free.
You know what Texas has a lot of?
Land.
You know what else they’ve got?
Breweries and distilleries.
“Thousands of tired, nerve-shaken, over-civilized people are beginning to find out that going to the mountains is going home; that wildness is a necessity.”
The older I get, the more joy I find in the simple act of being - existing - outside.
Treaty Oak Distilling is a 28 acre ranch in Dripping Springs which was not only one of the most beautiful distilleries I’ve ever visited but also had multiple stages, expansive space to run around, a truly excellent BBQ joint called Alice’s Restaurant and GIN.
I mean, that’s about as close to heaven as a girl gets.
We also spent an afternoon at Jester King Brewery - a brewery/pizza restaurant/event hall/farm on a 165 acre ranch complete with baby goats in Christmas outfits.
We ate pizza, drank, checked out the cute little Christmas market going on and just enjoyed being in the moment.
“You belong among the wildflowers
You belong somewhere close to me
Far away from your trouble and worry
You belong somewhere you feel free”
Since John and Jerry are huge bourbon fans, there was no way we weren’t going to Garrison Brothers Distillery in Hye.
The first legal distillery in Texas, Garrison Brothers has a great bar with killer bourbon cocktails, a beer and wine fridge (for annoying English-Americans who prefer gin) and since it was chilly the day we went, free peppermint hot chocolate!
We sat around a fire pit, Will ran around the field and even though I cannot stand the taste of bourbon (sorry, guys!) - I would 100% return.
The Texas Wine Trail is pretty well-known and while we didn’t end up doing a tour (definitely bookmarked for a future visit), we did get the chance to check out some pretty cool spots like the 290 Wine Castle in Johnson City.
Will had a great time exploring the grounds, I got to drink mulled wine and we even got to see another cow up close.
Seeing it reminded me of the Laura Gilpin poem about the two-headed calf.
“Tomorrow when the farm boys find this
freak of nature, they will wrap his body
in newspaper and carry him to the museum.
But tonight he is alive and in the north
field with his mother. It is a perfect
summer evening: the moon rising over
the orchard, the wind in the grass. And
as he stares into the sky, there are
twice as many stars as usual.”
I’ve been a vegetarian my whole life and grew up in a culture where cows are considered sacred, so I will never truly understand how one can watch a cow graze in a field - sun on her back as her tail softly swishes, completely at peace with those deep brown eyes - and then, order a steak for dinner.
San Antonio
We didn’t just spend the entire trip rambling through the countryside (although I would have been quite happy to do so).
We also got to check out a couple of cities - Austin, San Antonio, San Mateo and Fredericksburg.
I didn’t know anything about San Antonio before I visited other than it was the home of the Alamo but I was genuinely impressed. San Antonio has a huge heart, a really engaged community and way more diversity than I expected.
We checked out The Alamo (did you guys know there’s no basement?) which is in the middle of a huge renovation to make it bigger because y’know, everything’s bigger in Texas and it was an interesting spot to wander around for an hour or so but honestly? Nothing that enthralling.
We also checked out the Riverwalk which was totally not worth it because it’s basically I-Drive in Orlando but with a river instead of the goddamn river Styx that is I-4. Overpriced chain restaurants and a vibe that evokes a more sanitized Bourbon Street.
A much better way to spend your time is the Japanese Tea Garden. Built over a century ago, it’s a completely free attraction right by the zoo and a lovely serene place to spend a few hours with stone walkways, a sixty foot waterfall and koi ponds.
We even saw a girl getting her quince pictures professionally taken here and oh man, what I would give to attend a San Antonio quince. They do it right here.
i didn’t look this good when I got married. Also, cowboy boots and big-ass formal dresses need to be a thing.
We ended the night in the Pearl - a pretty mixed-used space with cool shops, bars, restaurants and the Hotel Emma which might just be my favorite hotel in the country.
A former 19th century brewhouse which stayed open during Prohibition making soft drinks, the Emma Hotel is named for former owner' Otto Koehler’s wife and his mistress. I guess if you’re gonna cheat, it makes things a little easier if both women have the same name.
Austin
We also hung out in Austin for an afternoon which is not nearly long enough to spend in that city.
No Antones (kinda tough to do a 21+ venue with a toddler in tow) and no Gueros (because we just didn’t have the time) but we did check out the LBJ Library on the UT Austin campus which was pretty cool especially since next on my podcast docket is Who Killed JFK with Rob Reiner and Soledad O’Brien.
The Library also had a great view of the city from the 10th floor of the building.
And speaking of great views, our next stop was The Oasis Texas Brewing Company on Lake Travis.
Fun fact - if it’s a warm and sunny 75 in Austin, it’s a windy and damn chilly at the top of The Oasis but that’s why the good Lord invented hot chocolate with Baileys.
We didn’t spend nearly enough time in Austin - I really wanted to go to The Tavern on 12th and Lamar as its the home of the Austin Gooners and we were playing Villa that day - but it didn’t happen.
Maybe Will will be a Longhorn and we’ll end up spending more time in Austin. I hear good things about the Dell Medical School.
Fredricksburg
Another place we didn’t get to spend enough time in is Fredricksburg. We popped in on our way back from Wine Country for a quick peek. It’s a gorgeous little town - especially around the holidays - and I really hope we can make it back.
Food
One thing we did do well is eat. I refuse to eat poorly when I travel and I will spend hours researching great places.
When in Texas, the two things you’re going to devour are tacos and BBQ and we had plenty on this trip.
Our first meal as soon as we got off the plane was at Tyson’s Tacos close to the airport.
Behold the simple magic of black beans, eggs, creamy Sriracha, fried avocado, pepper jack and everyone’s favorite party guest - fresh jalapeno. I could have eaten this for breakfast every day…of my life.
San Antonio is known for puffy tacos which are basically fried masa tacos stuffed with anything from beef to chicken to chorizo to beans and cheese. We grabbed some at Pete’s Tako House - a great spot for cheap eats with the softiest, pillow-iest flour tortillas imaginable.
You guys. Next time, I’m getting a stack of tortillas, a little bowl of beans and hot sauce and I will be a happy woman. Everything else is extraneous.
Our last stop in San Antonio was Santa Diabla - known for the chicken mole and cocktail game.
Their special was the fanciest drink I’ve ever order - a mule served in an ornament festooned with pine - but what really knocked me out were the chips and salsa. Your had your basics - salsa roja and salsa verde which were great but then, the third one? That little guy on the right?
A blended salsa macha - a condiment from Veracruz made with dried peppers and peanuts. Imagine satay sauce but better.
t was the spiciest, most lip-smacking delicious thing I’ve ever tasted and now, I’m obsessed with replicating it so I can eat it with everything.
The boys all ordered chicken mole which was fantastic and had me banging the drum about visiting Oaxaca next year because it’s called The Land of Seven Moles and I want to eat all of them.
We also got queso fundido because I mean, how are you gonna get Mexican food in San Antonio and not get the queso fundido?
Ever since I visited Germany in 2016, I’ve been all about German food which is a super weird statement for a vegetarian to make because it’s the land of many preserved meats.
But spaetzel, good bread and cheese are a few of my favorite things so I was stoked to visit Krause’s Cafe in New Braunfels - a huge beerhall with great food and live music.
We shared a pretzel bigger than my head, the boys drank beer and ate varying forms of schnitzel and I devoured kartoffel poppers - mini latkes with applesauce. I don’t know who started this whole fried potato + applesauce thing but I love you.
I also drank more wassail which made me really happy.
Highlight of the night was seeing Joshua Calvin and The 183 Band. He played Stevie Ray Vaughan in a way that would have made Guitar Hurricane proud and his Prince cover of Purple Rain was like going to church.
We stopped at the oldest bakery in Texas - Naeglin’s - for breakfast one morning which consisted of kolaches, coffee and the biggest cinnamon buns I’ve ever seen.
And of course, you can’t visit Texas without getting BBQ. While I have no desire to eat ribs or brisket, I love BBQ sides and ate really well at both Cooper’s (no pictures because we grabbed a bite on our last night after a long day but I highly recommend the blackberry cobbler) and Alice’s Restaurant in Dripping Springs - spicy mac and cheese, crispy brussels and cauliflower and pimento cheese with housemade tortilla chips.
Salsa dona on everything forever and ever amen.
I love Texas Hill Country. Truly, I do. It’s a wild, sprawling, beautiful and diverse place with kind people, a proud sense of history and culture and a real warmth and community.
However, much like Florida - Texans are held captive by the goddamn worst public officials this side of the fourth circle of hell.
Ted Cruz, John Cornyn and Greg Abbott are basically soulless ghouls and yeah, sure - lots of folks voted for these wanks but a fair amount of people didn’t and deserve better than the government they’ve currently got.
I can’t wait for my next trip to the Lone Star State. In the meantime, I’ll make salsa dona and salsa macha, listen to so much Stevie Ray Vaughan and keep fighting for women everywhere.
