Jalapeño Mac and Cheese

The two biggest holidays in my life are also the two most uniquely American holidays - Thanksgiving and 4th of July.

Thanksgiving because I didn’t really celebrate it until I was 19 and when I realized that stuffing existed, it basically blew my mind. I’m sorry - there is an entire casserole dish filled with buttered smashed up bread and aromatics and y’all just eat this? MY GOD. No wonder we won the Revolutionary War.

Independence Day because my husband buys his fireworks wholesale and puts on a show that makes Epcot look like some rookie shit and because five years ago, I finally became an American (after living here for 22 years) and that is worthy of celebration.

This year, July 4 was understandably subdued but that doesn’t mean you can’t eat well.

So, I whipped up some Jalapeño Mac and Cheese - it’s a super easy comfort food with a teeny bite.

Ingredients:

16oz (one box) Cavatappi pasta - all other pasta is useless when it comes to making mac and cheese. Yes, it’s called ‘Macaroni and Cheese’ but a more garbage pasta you will not find.
1 large Vidalia onion
6 tablespoons salted butter, separated in half (three tablespoons and three tablespoons)
3 tablespoons flour - whatever you got in the pantry
1 12oz can of Coors Light or other light American lager - reserve 1/2 cup for the mac and cheese and the rest for you.
8oz extra sharp Cheddar, shredded - don’t get the pre-shredded stuff. It is terrible.
4 oz Colby Jack, shredded
1 cup whole milk ricotta
2 large jalapeño peppers - bonus points if you grew them in your yard. Dice half a pepper and cut the rest into rings. Do not deseed. You’ve survived loss, heartbreak and having literally the worst human glob as president. You can handle a little heat.
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg powder
1/2 teaspoon white pepper
3/4 quart whole milk at room temperature.
2 tablespoons Badia Jalapeño powder - total game-changer. Seriously. I picked it up at Publix and I swear, it tastes like Green Doritos which are undeniably the best Doritos.
1 teaspoon black pepper, separated in half.

Directions:

• Boil pasta in heavily salted water and set aside.

• Melt 3 tablespoons of butter in a heavy bottomed saucepan on low heat.

• Finely dice onions, add to butter and stir until onions are coated.

• Add nutmeg and 1/2 teaspoon of black pepper.

• When onions start to brown and fond starts forming on the bottom of the pan (the delicious brown crispy bits), deglaze the shit out of it with 1/4 cup of beer. Stir and step away for about ten minutes or so to check your email or watch a little bit of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit.

• Check on the onions again. More fond should have formed, so deglaze with the remaining 1/4 cup of beer. Have your husband finish off the beer because you’re pregnant and cannot. Stare wistfully at your gin bar. Soon, my love. Soon.

• Throw in the diced jalapeños and give the pan a quick stir. At this point, your kitchen should smell close to what I imagine heaven smells like.

• Add a tablespoon of jalapeño powder.

• While the onions are browning, shred your cheeses. Yes, you should hand-shred them because the stuff that comes pre-shredded has wood glue or some weird shit in it that doesn’t let it melt properly. Besides, if you shred the cheese yourself, you always end up with one or two unshreddable chunks and then, you give them to your dogs and everyone’s happy.

• Add the three remaining tablespoons of butter to the onions and let it melt down.

• Add three tablespoons of flour and stir quickly. You’re basically making a roux that would enrage a classically trained chef or native Louisianan.

• Onions looking a little weird and coated in weird, floury globby stuff? Perfect. Slowly pour in the milk while whisking. Little by little, bit by bit.

• Slowly start adding in the shredded cheese while continuing to whisk. The mixture should start to change color to a pale yellow and thicken up.

• Add your ricotta cheese and whisk until fully incorporated into the sauce.

• Add the remaining 1/2 teaspoon of black pepper and the remaining tablespoon of the jalapeño powder.

• Add the pasta and stir until the noodles are fully coated in the sauce.

• Pour mac and cheese into an oven-safe serving dish and top with jalapeño rings.

• Serve alongside BBQ chicken, pulled pork, a really good veggie burger made with real veggies and quinoa and Prosecco….or if you’re pregnant - Peach Melba Punch which consists of fresh peaches and raspberries, honey-peach sparkling water, lemonade, raspberry sorbetto and fresh mint.

Happy eating!