This Is 40
Today is the last day of my 30s and I’ve spent the last month thinking about what 40 means.
It seems like the start of a second act and the true beginning of adulthood…which is a terrifying concept because seriously? We’re going to let me be the adult in the room?
I’ve learned a fair amount in the 40 years I’ve been kicking around and here is an incomplete compendium of that knowledge:
I am really fucking good at code switching and it has gotten me far in life. It has kept me on my toes and taught me to think on my feet. I kinda feel like Los Angeles - a bunch of neighborhoods trying to be a city. I’m a bunch of people trying to be a person.
Shit to Invest In: A 401k, a really good flat iron, a calendar that makes sense to you, a great matte red lipstick, a pair of boots that will be comfortable when you’re walking miles across a city.
You’re not as fat as you think you are. You’re just as charming as you think you are.
Buildings burn. People die. Love fades. But a great song is forever. Make mixtapes. That’s where you’ll find the answers to life’s questions.
If you have the opportunity to see Tom Petty live, take it. Don't be a dipshit and go to a forgettable evening at Sunfest instead.
Get as many stamps in your passport as possible. Use public transport when you travel. Eat at the bar and strike up conversations with the locals. Basically, everything Bourdain ever told you was correct. God, that one still aches.
Older ladies who call you “baby”, “honey” and “mami” are the best and should be protected at all costs.
Love your teams. Love them hard. Believe in them. Let them break your heart and resurrect your soul.
Choose interesting partners. People who make you feel clever and sexy and smart. Choose people who choose you. Don’t let them break your heart.
Slather your face in jasmine-scented Argan oil every night before bed. You deserve to smell the way the Taj Mahal looks in the moonlight. I didn’t make that up; that’s all Raymond Chandler. Read more noir.
Take a million pictures. Your kid is growing up way too fast. You were just holding him against your chest yesterday.
Moisturize. Them chickens is ash and you’re lotion, baby. A giant jug of Nivea is like, $10 at Target. Slather up.
Date more. Make out more. Flirt more. Say yes more.
Know that No is a complete sentence.
Everything I learned about flirting, I learned from Susannah Hoffs in The Bangles’ Walk Like An Egyptian video. I saw the band live and up close a few years ago and Susannah Hoffs looked right at me. I have never been more in love with another human being.
Believe in something greater than yourself. I don’t believe in God but I believe in Bruce Springsteen, cold gin cocktails, long eyelashes and the power of the power chord forever and ever amen.
Take off your pants as soon as you get home. Who are you trying to impress? The dog? He’s not wearing pants either.
Order the fries. You don't really want a salad with your burger.
You’re not raising a child; you’re raising a person. Mrs. Grohl’s baby boy did alright. Raise a person like that.
Take an edible. See a hip hop show. Feel really good about life. Bonus points if it’s Outkast.
Tea should be the color of a brick and served in a mug.
Not another soul will love you the way a big dog does. Adopt a big dog and give him the best life possible.
Always ask for hot sauce. Housemade if possible.
It doesn’t get easier. You get stronger or smarter or less inclined to deal with bullshit. Either way, that’s what happens.
You have no idea what the future holds. None. If you would have told me at 27 that by the time I was 40, I would be divorced and remarried to and have a kid with a guy that sat next to me in AP European History, I wouldn't have believed it in a million years. Who knows where I’ll be 10 years from today.
You have no clue how it’s all gonna unfold, so fuck it - no regrets. No retreat. No surrender. Strive for joy.
