Medicine - Orbit

Hey Will. It’s Mom.

I am thirty weeks pregnant with you and bringing the aggressive mom energy this week.

A maxi dress and a cardigan?

If this picture could talk, it would ask if you were hungry and tell you to take a sweater.

I am gonna do both of those things, by the way. Like, often so just be ready for it.

Look, your Nanima once made me eat dinner before going out to dinner. Consider yourself lucky that I’m not nearly the bad-ass that she is and can’t bring that kind of ruckus to the table.

So, fair warning?

This isn’t going to be one of pop-culture infused fluffy letters.

Well, not as pop-culture infused.

I mean, it’s still me writing here.

While I promise that a majority of your life will be filled with joy and arcane references which will undoubtedly make you a bar trivia champ one day, this letter is to help provide guidance for what to do when things get overwhelming and just flat out suck.

Shit has been hard for me this week, kiddo.

I might have gestational diabetes - the cut-off is 140 and I clocked in at 142 - and I’ve gotta take another test to make sure.

While I was at the doctor, he told me a story about a baby having a febrile seizure because she stayed in the birth canal too long. That was kinda traumatizing.

Then, I had to go to the hospital (twice) for another Rhogam shot because insurance only covers it if taken at the hospital. They could have done it at the doctor’s office, but that would result in an out of pocket cost of $300.

So, Mommy took two trips to the hospital and paid $120 for the privilege of having a needle jammed into her ass.

Sorry for that mental image. Tell your therapist to bill me.

As you will learn, the American healthcare system is super fucked and insurance is of the devil.

Oh and while I was at the hospital registration, they asked if I had a living will.

Daddy and I are working on it but that got me thinking about worst case scenarios which was super fun because I’m aware of the statistic that over 700 women in America die every year in childbirth and 2/3 of those deaths are preventable.

Oh and people are dying daily due to a raging pandemic, the economy is in a shambles, Americans are having their most basic civil rights stomped upon daily all while the Trump Administration is basically derelict in duty…unless that duty is being the dumbest, most avaricious and racist pack of vipers to slither blindly around Washington.

Oh and Taco Bell is removing potatoes from the menu which is like, super bullshit.

I’m on edge this week and all of the stuff that I would typically do to deal with stress isn’t exactly available to me right now.

That means: no fancy gin cocktails, no oozy eggs at Howley’s, no sharing Roquefort-laden cheese plates, no going out to eat, no losing myself at the movies for a couple of hours, no travel, no live music, no conversations with strangers or social interactions…

It’s been hard but you know what helped?

Talking to Daddy.

First day of our honeymoon at a mercado in Madrid. We had red wine and Manchego for breakfast and I promise you the same one day.

Let me tell you something about your dad.

He’s by no means stoic but let’s face it, Mommy is the talker in this family - using 40 words when four will do.

Daddy takes a much less loquacious approach but it’s an effective one.

He’s good at keeping things in perspective - he’s rational and clear-eyed which is really helpful because sometimes, you just need to get the words out and hear a voice of reason as opposed to the Greek chorus of doom inside your head.

I realize it can be hard to open up sometimes. Vulnerability is scary - especially if you feel off-kilter, but the great thing about your dad? Every now and then, he knows the right thing to say.

Notice how I said every now and then.

Daddy once looked at me and said, “I like your dress, babe. You look like a witch!”

But in this case, he said the exact right thing - “Talk to me.”

The people who love you want to help, Will and we want to talk to you.

About anything and everything.

So, please consider this an open call - Talk to me. Talk to us.

We will always be here for you when you want to talk.

Whether you’re seeking advice, looking for clarity or just need to get words out into the real world to aerate them a little - Mommy and Daddy love you and we’re here for you.

And when that seems more than you can manage which definitely happens - write.

I’ve always felt stronger and more confident on paper than I do in person. In person, my thoughts aren’t as fluid. I stumble, stutter-step and get easily derailed but on paper?

To quote the ineffable Charles Bukowski - “Hey baby, when I write - I’m the hero of my shit.”

Be the hero of your shit, get those words out by any means necessary and know that above all - we will always want to hear what you have to say.

They say laughter is the best medicine but a good conversation? That’s a pretty damn decent balm too.

See you soon.

We love you xx